Coming soon, to a bookstore near you....
Across from us at the races this weekend (two days in a row, no less) was a couple where the wife was trying to warm up on her trainer while the husband was trying to hold a conversation. Her “I can’t warm up while you’re talking to me” kept getting progressively louder. Poor guy, she was in the B-women’s race, he was probably new to the whole concept of the races. For him, I dedicate my new (world’s shortest) book:
The Beginner’s Guide to being a Cyclocross Spouse
Your spouse (or significant other) has decided to take on cyclocross? Good for them! And you’ve decided to be supportive and go to the races? Even better! Here’s some important things you should know:
- Before the race, they’re amped up. Depending on the person that may manifest itself in jitters, rapid-fire speech, snappishness, story telling, nervous laughter, obsessiveness with some minor component of cycling gear, an urgent need to be alone, and/or constant trips to the porta-potty. This is not a good time to ask, “What the hell is wrong with you?” The proper question here is “Do you need anything?”
- If your spouse does not need anything, for the love of God, leave. Anything said during this time frame is not serious. Including requests for divorce or insistence that beatings will occur.
- Make friends – all of the other spouses who aren’t racing have been there, done that, and form a really nice support group. Besides, these are the coolest people you’ll meet in any of the cycling disciplines, you wouldn’t want to miss out on that!
- Things you need to bring:
Hot drinks on cold days, cold drinks on other days.
Camera – there hasn’t been a person yet who’s complained that too many pictures are taken of them racing
Activity to keep you out their hair while they’re busy spazzing out. I have the dog, others have children, and of course there’s always the spousal favorite: books. If you’re more of a hands-on kind of person, learn what to do in a pit, become a bike mechanic, or volunteer with the race. There’s always a need to fix course tape.
A chair. You’ll be running around the course during the 30-55 minutes of the race anyway, you might as well have a place to flop at other times. - One of you is not going to be happy with the weather. Racing in crappy weather means they have an even better story to tell. It means you lose fingers.
And if you need anything, flag me down. I’ll be the one dressed poorly but warmly, keeping a dog in check, and cheering for everyone whose name I can figure out. Oh wait…that’s everyone at the race. That's ok, you can get help from pretty much anyone, it's a fun group.
Labels: CX
posted by MyHusbandRules @ 8:05 AM
2 Comments:
Good one, very enlightened. I'd like to see you try keeping me in check.
This is great! I'll be forwarding it to my husband. On the way to Wissahickon on Sunday we fought most of the way (because he failed to gas up the car the night before and put us 5 minutes behind my scheduled departure time!) and I told him he can never come to another race again and he agreed. Of course, we both know come this weekend and every weekend through November we'll be having the same fight.
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