Sunshine and Light

On blogging and friendship

Blogging is such a narcissistic thing. It's part diary and part press release and part window into the soul. Today, this is heavy on the diary part, and heavy on the window into the soul.

And kids, that brings us to why I'm blogging at 4:45AM. A few months ago I made the mistake of reading the blog of someone I know from cyclocross. Actually I made that mistake a few times with different people I know from cross. And the blogging wasn't pretty. Because if blogging is narcissistic, and bike racers are very narcissistic, you can imagine that most bike racing blogs are what a previous co-worker used to call "mental masturbation". But in this case, the blog belonged to someone I thought was a really good guy. And it was highly, purposefully offensive. He's young, and he's an ex-Catholic. And his blog entry included a quote saying Fuck all Catholics, and I hope that's offensive. (I haven't been back in a while, so I can't say that those are verbatim).

My brother, who is my second best friend (my husband is my best friend, of course!), is in the seminary and due to be a Catholic priest in a year and a half. A very high percentage of my closest friends I met through my church (in another city, but we stayed close!). My parents are obviously Catholic. So when I read lines like that, it cuts not only at me, but at many that I hold very dear. And I've been exposed to more of this kind of nonsense since I've moved to my present city than I have ever had to deal with in my life. So when he hoped Catholics were offended, well, mission accomplished.

Anyway, this all went in on in September, I responded in a comment to his post essentially calling him a close minded bigot. It wasn't my finest bit of commentary, being somewhat blinded by rage. I was also hesitating on sending it until I bumped the &%*(#@ touchpad (Argh! I hate that thing!), and it was sent. And the first cross race was a bit stiff, but I still cheered for him. Things settled down after that, nothing was said...until yesterday. When he asked my husband if I was still pissed at him. Poor sweetie, he had NO IDEA. I didn't tell him because I didn't want him to be uncomfortable around this guy at the races, or to feel like he had to defend me on a subject he probably wouldn't have tackled himself. A couple of times I wanted to tell him, but it seemed like an awkward conversation to have with no potential positive outcome (and I thought I was in the clear!). And he had warned me not to read this blog, and I should have listened.

I know that this blogger wasn't trying to hurt me personally, we get along well overall. But when you cast a wide net, you get the dolphins with the tuna. And I'm really sorry that I read his blog because I have no idea how to stay friends with someone so contemptuous of the basic underpinnings of my spiritual life. Disagree on politics? Sure, no worries, I'm not living in the most conservative corner of the world at the moment. But being contemptuous of my religion? You know the whole God Family Country triad? Well this is a pretty hearty blow at the first two for me. It's something I've struggled with quite a bit over the last few months, and the best I can come up with is to pray for him and hope that even if he doesn't come back to the Catholic Church, he at least gains some tolerance and respect. I've got it easy for the moment since I pretty much only see him during cross season, and I can make small talk and idle chatter fairly easily. But I can't help but be sad at losing a friendship this way, even a casual one.

St Monica, pray for us!

And at this point it's too late to go back to sleep, I guess it's yoga and work. Does anyone know if there's a patron saint of caffeine?

posted by MyHusbandRules @ 7:43 AM